After listening to Conan Gray’s new single “Killing Me” for hours on repeat, I can safely conclude it is one of the most heart-wrenching songs to have ever graced my dorm speaker. With its painfully relatable lyrics, this song speaks to me on a scary, personal level — enough for me to re-evaluate my entire life while shouting its lyrics every time the song comes on. 

Released on Oct. 31, “Killing Me” marks Gray’s third single of the year. Staying true to Gray’s new era, “Killing Me” follows the same formula of his past two singles — “Never Ending Song” and “Winner” — relying more on its production and instrumentation to carry the song. Despite containing lyrics capable of shattering one’s heart, I can’t fight the urge of wanting to dance around every time I hear it — a completely new and different feeling Gray’s last album Superache never evoked. Gray is aiming somewhere higher by exchanging his piano and softer vocal skills for a more pop-rock vibe and bold voice influenced by ’80s and ’90s pop. 

Despite the upbeat feel of the song, I love this song so much because of its lyrical depth. As a self-proclaimed people-pleaser, I find it difficult to cut off communication with people, despite how poorly they have treated me. They always manage to live in my head rent-free. Gray’s lyrics in “Killing Me” perfectly relate to my self-imposed exhaustion and allow me to express my mediocre ability to withdraw from bad situations, especially those where I am treated worse than I deserve to be. When Gray sings “You’re killing me / I just want you to free me / And though I am cryin’ and bleedin’ / And barely breathin’ / I can’t let go of your heart,” I cannot help but feel a tug in my wretched heart. 

In an interview with Rolling Stone, Gray mentioned writing “Killing Me” was a unique experience since he was simultaneously sick with the flu and going through a miserable, heartbroken time. Gray also named the targeted audience of his new song the relentless, leeching friends everyone has.

“I think we all have those people who don’t treat us nearly well enough, but we just can’t seem to let them go,” Gray said in the interview. “People who call you at 2 a.m., and who you know you shouldn’t pick up, but you do. ‘Killing Me’ is for when you’re on your last limb begging this person to just please stop torturing your heart.”

Gray has always provided listeners with relatable lyrics. While his voice is absolutely angelic, Gray’s lyricism is unmatchable in today’s pop age. I can promise you, whether it is family problems, friendship quarrels or relationship struggles, you will relate to this song. 

Hopefully, both my Spotify Wrapped and my roommate will survive my recent obsession with Gray. If you hear any screaming from Goen, don’t worry: It’s just me.