Here’s the deal: you guys have some questions you’re too scared to ask because it’s “Soooo obvious. Gosh, what is this, amateur hour?” So, I have compiled for you juniors (and maybe some seniors; I don’t know, maybe some of you guys are still completely confused about what’s going on and have been floating through the last year hanging on by a thread of consciousness) a list of questions that I asked a large pool of juniors.

Question 1:

Who in the world are Dr. McDonald and Mrs. Brownie?

Answer:

Their names are actually Dr. McConnell and Mrs. Brown. Don’t worry, it’s a common mistake. Probably.

Dr. McConnell is our esteemed Executive Director and MVP in our student-faculty basketball games. This means he runs like, everything. Mrs. Brown is our cherished Director of Academic Affairs, which is fancy talk for “principal”. Except Mrs. Brown is way cooler than any high school principal. She is the bringer of Taco Bell, a thrower of great piñata parties, and is overall a super sweet lady. But seriously, she has a whole book of responsibilities to deal with, from sponsoring and supervising SGA Senate meetings to having to worry about 300+ teenagers living in a concentrated area a few feet away from the academic buildings, just waiting to be vandalized by a plucky 16-year-old.

Question 2:

Who is Mary Wilson?

Answer:

It’s actually a building. You know, the one next to Hooper with the benches and fountain and really weirdly shaped trees?

Side-Question: What and where is Hooper?

Side Answer: No.

Anyways, Mary Wilson is where Dr. McConnell (AKA basketball chief), Mrs. Amber Lynn Moore (Executive Assistant), and the two tech guys’ (Mr. Andrews and Mr. Rhea) offices are located. There’s also a sweet lady, Ms. Ellis (Executive Assistant), on the first floor. When you first walk into Mary Wilson, she’s near the first door on the right. Any larger packages that were delivered for you are in her office.

One last thing: you enter from the side of the building. If you’re facing the fountain and benches, it’s the door on the right side of the building, not the door facing the fountain and benches. If that makes any sense.

Question 3:

What do I do if my work service supervisor isn’t there when I need to do work service?

Answer:

Just do it. If the door’s locked, email them. When in doubt, email them.

Question 4:

Where’s Mr. Clay?

Answer:

Good question. Honestly, I don’t even know. He’s our silent “groundskeeper” (officially known as the Coordinator for School Support). He may not be the groundskeeper we lazy work service-defying students deserve, but he’s the one we need. So we’ll hunt for him, email him. Because he can take it. Because he’s not our hero. He’s a silent guardian, a watchful protector. A dark knight.

Seriously though, his office is a small building behind Hooper that is NOT Mary Wilson. It’s the other one.

Question 5:

What are the cafeteria hours? And why can’t I eat breakfast on the weekends?

Answer:

Ok, so the thing is, the cafeteria runs on Dubs (refer to question 10). When they’re not here, cafeteria hours get a bit tricky to navigate. Don’t worry though, they’ll be here soon (approximately August 20).

On the weekdays, we have brunch. There’s no breakfast, so don’t bother waking up early, walking to the cafeteria, and then dragging yourself back to your room and slapping your forehead because you just dragged yourself out of bed for nothing.

Question 6:

Everything is scary and I’m frightened and confused. It’s like that show, Naked and Afraid, except I’m not naked. What do I do?

Answer:

You and me both, bud. No, but seriously, if you’re feeling the feels that don’t feel too great, go and talk to your emissary. They’ll be there for you in your time of need. A good phone call to your parental figure/sibling/friend back home is also suggested. If it’s really serious, I would talk to your friendly neighborhood counselor, be it Dr. Stevens or Dr. Crook. They’re professionals.

Question 7:

Do the AC and the elevators just STOP on a regular basis?

Answer:

Sometimes the elevators need to get regular maintenance, so you can’t use them for a period of time. That’s ok though. Sometimes, the AC stops working, or it works TOO well. That’s ok though.

(Psst. Over here. Here’s what THEY don’t want you to know. The elevators stop working when you need them to work. It’s nothing confirmed, but I’m telling you, these past weeks, it’s happened. When I needed to deliver two Norton Anthologies and three novels back to Mrs. Richardson, I had to climb up and down five flights of stairs with these babies in my arms and backpack. All while my legs were super super sore from the first dance we had. Speaking of which, the elevator stopped working on the day I woke up with these said super super sore legs.)

Question 8:

Why don’t the seniors talk to us?

Answer:

Because we’re super weenies. The senior class is generally more introverted than you regular weenies (and I use that term affectionately). We’d love to talk to you guys, but typically, you guys need to talk to us first. Even then, you gotta break down some walls over a period of time. It’s not that we hate you guys, most of us are just super massive weenie introverts.

Question 9:

Course requirements?

Answer:

*rubs hands together*

You need

• 1 credit of each science (chemistry, biology, and physics)
• 1 swing credit (which is a half credit of another math/science)*
• 1 art credit (note that you can only receive one total credit from art. Even if you take 3 art classes, only one of those credits will count towards your minimum 13 MSMS credits.)
• ½ credit of calculus
• ½ credit of stats
• 1 U.S history credit (if you haven’t gotten it already)
• 1 English credit

*not entirely sure, refer to your friendly neighborhood counselor

Additionally, you can take Economics if you already have your U.S history credit (just a suggestion, it’s good to get that out of the way. It is required to graduate, but you don’t need to take it now. You can take whatever else you want). Mississippi Crossroads is offered as a Mississippi studies credit. But, when in doubt, talk to or email your friendly neighborhood counselor.

Question 10:

Who are the Dubs?

Answer:

They are the college students from the MUW (Mississippi University for Women). You know, the people whose campus we’re using. They sit on the other side of the cafeteria. Or, at least they will once they get here.

(Psst. It’s not confirmed by any official scientific sources, but the quality of cafeteria food increases with the increase of Dubs and decreases with the decrease of Dubs.)

Alternatively:

If you have Dr. Morgan or Dr. Odom, you will hear them use the term “the stubs.” Stubs are children.

Question 11:

Who’s our new Director of Student Affairs?

Answer:

As of now, we don’t have one. It was Dr. Whitley, but due to health concerns, he had to leave.

Question 12:

How do you get the big room?

Answer:

At the end of the year, you and your roommate can go and take a “friendship quiz”. It’s got questions like, “What color is your roommate’s toothbrush?” and “What brand of toilet paper did your roommate use on September 7th, 2016?” Not really. But anyways, whoever scores the highest gets the big room. Second place gets the room with no suite mates, if you’re into that kind of thing.

TL;DR: Be prepared to know your roommate better than you know yourself. #deep.

Question 13:

Privilege Plans?

Answer:

Yeah, what about them?

Question 14:

Why do juniors need to keep our doors open for study hours?

Answer:

To make sure you’re not gettin’ inta any funny business, ya hear, ya no good, yella-bellied sapsucker.

Don’t worry, it’ll be over once you get off junior plan, which ends after the first 9 weeks. That is, so long as if you keep your grades up and have your 10 wellness points.

Question 15:

Who’s Mrs. King?

Answer:

She’s the administrative assistant that you can see from Hooper lobby through that nifty little window. Those of you juniors who are still confused, she’s the first person you see when you walk through the clear door from Hooper lobby to see the counselor for your schedule-change meeting.

Question 16:

What if we have questions we don’t know, but we need to ask?

Answer:

PFT, come on, I can’t read your mind. But I guess I can offer some random advice to you guys based on past historical mistakes made by not me, but other seniors, I’m sure.

Advice 1:

READ. READ FOR ENGLISH. READ FOR CHEMISTRY. READ FOR PHYSICS. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, READ.

Advice 2:

DO NOT wait until midnight to start writing your essays. You’re going to end up writing a half-baked essay, hit the save button at 2 A.M, and not even proof-read what you just wrote because holy frijole, sleep has got you on speed dial and you need to answer that call NOW.

Advice 3:

Start your research paper early. Seriously. Don’t wait till the night before.

Advice 4:

Mastering Chem is like a baby. You take care of it first. It is your life. You may end up spending all day with it because it wanted 4*10^3, instEAD OF 3.38*10^3 GOSH DARN IT WHY.

Advice 6:

You can take chemistry, biology, and physics in any combination you want your junior or senior year. None of the sciences require you have to take them your junior year. You could have chem and bio, bio and physics, physics and chem, or all three at once.

Advice 7:

Don’t take all three sciences at once.

Advice 8:

Yahoo Answers is not always right.

Advice 9:

Get a calendar. Like ye old calendar or whatever, the one that hangs on a wall. Hang it next to your desk and write down standardized test dates and deadlines. Trust me.

Advice (more like FYI) 10:

The teachers know more than they let on.