For the past two weeks, the campus of MSMS and MUW have been terrorized by a small white terror. Invading every building and every crevice, these tiny white insects have essentially taken over. No matter if you are in the cafeteria, classroom, or even your room, these tiny white pests will eventually find their way to you. If we want to find a solution to this problem and take back our campus from these disgusting white nuisances, we must wage war against these insects. We must gather everyone and make a push against these tiny white hellhounds. I, Yousef Abu-Salah, will aim to begin this movement against the enemy and hopefully quell the terror that these insects have caused.

The first step in any war effort is to gather information on your enemy. Through the use of the wondrous internet, I have discovered that these tiny white menaces are called Wooly Aphids from the Eriosomatinae family. These aphids have found a home in MSMS due to our plentiful vegetation and relatively low number of natural predators. Essentially harmless, these bugs pose no harm to humans other than being a terribly annoying pest that only serves to anger the local population. While harmless to humans, these bugs pose great harm to the local plants and other vegetation due to the many viruses that these bugs can spread to plants. These viruses slowly kill the plants and attract other insects to feed upon the dying plants, a sadistic trait that suits these little pests quite well. The scariest prospect is this insect’s capability of inciting the development of a fungal growth called sooty mold, which could essentially cause branches and leaves across the campus to turn black. This alone warrants the extermination of these absolutely horrid beings. Now another question arises: where do these vile things come from? Wooly aphids are native to the Northern Hemisphere, and these insects usually live in areas stretching from Montana to New Mexico and California as well. Through my research, I have not been able to find a concrete reason for why these wooly aphids have come upon our campus. Other than the trend of the large amounts of strong winds appearing throughout the United States at the moment, there are no feasible leads that I have found. The origin of this pest ultimately does not matter. All that matters now is eliminating the enemy.

The future is looking dim for MSMS, as the white terror has continually grown larger and larger. Although the enemy’s increasing population may seem daunting, there are many efforts that we as MSMS soldiers can take in order to prevent the onslaught of these menaces. I have discovered solutions that we may able to use as weapons against these annoyances; however, I fear that they will only work with the cooperation of MUW in order to make it a large-scale operation. First, we must discover the infested branches which these pests have made their home, and we must destroy them. I personally believe, by use of scouting during the past week, that the location of these infested hives are near or within the bushes around and surrounding Hooper, as it is where the majority of them gather. This will surely eliminate a great deal of the pests, but we cannot allow any one of them to live. By use of insecticidal soap and neem oil on the majority of the plants around campus, we may be able to deter the survivors from finding another location around MSMS and MUW and cause them to leave for another location. These are only a few of the measures that we could take, but I believe that these two would be the most effective for the war effort.

Of course, as I mentioned before, all of this effort is naught without the help of MUW. I plea to you, MUW! Please aid us in this war! This affects both of us. We are all human beings against a common enemy, one who has terrorized both your students and ours. No one likes having to pick these disgusting bugs out of your delicious food. We want to experience your food the way it was meant to be, not with disgusting little pests buzzing around and sticking to our meals. They have begun their rampage, and we must meet them head-on. Let us all come together to exterminate this despicable enemy. The rest lies with you MUW: will you stand back and watch your beautiful campus be destroyed by these horrid pests, or will you join our effort in taking back this campus for humanity? This is the fate of the campus MUW. This is the fate for all of our sanity.