Dear Vision,

Chemistry makes absolutely no sense to me. I want to understand what’s going on, but things just don’t seem to stick. They say read the textbook, but I already tried. Every time I open that 1,000-page book, my eyes go crossed. Mastering Chem is the absolute death of me, drowning me with part A through D questions in every way that it can. Is there anything I can do to understand chemistry better?

Help Me,

Failing Chem Student

Dear Failing Chem Student,

You are not going to fail. Even if you don’t understand what is going on in chemistry, there are people who are willing to help you. Whether it be student tutors or maybe even a different teacher, someone will be there to help you better understand chemistry. If you don’t understand the way your teacher teaches you, try going to a different teacher’s tutorials to see if it makes a difference. Hope this helps.

Don’t Give Up,

The Vision

Dear Vision,

Someone keeps anonymously reporting me to the office. They are for the most abnormal and odd reasons. For example, last week a certain cyberbully reported me for performing a satanic Communist ritual. This proved to be especially disheartening to my Christian ears, and it seems that one of my schoolmates is out to get me. Because of this, I am seriously paranoid and keep all of my personal opinions guarded.

Sincerely,

Paranoid Prisoner

Dear Paranoid Prisoner,

There is only one plan of attack for your situation. You MUST go on the offense: trust no one and interrogate everyone. Become a detective and determine who has betrayed you. Once you have caught the culprit, befriend this backstabber. As they open up to you, utilize their secrets with caution. Best of luck, soldier.

Sincerely,

An Experienced Ally

Dear Vision,

I am currently trapped in the Goen elevator. I tried the call button, but no one was on the other end. I even got desperate and gave screaming a go. Now, I’m starting to panic, and I am scared they will never get me out of this metal coffin.

Sincerely,

Claustrophobic Classmate

Dear Claustrophobic Classmate,

Without any hesitation, the first thing you MUST do, in order to survive, would be to Snapchat as many people as possible. Add fake tears and screams. Emotion is optional but suggested. Once the entire student body is aware of your confinement, either call the front office or an RA if the call button is ineffective. Hope you find this accommodating to your situation.

Good Luck,

A Forever Stairwell Goer

Dear Vision, 

I feel like ever since I’ve gotten here, my mental and physical health has been thrown out the window. I eat NONSTOP. Like, I legit can’t stop eating. Every time I start my homework, I immediately want to grab a snack in order to distract me from what I’m doing. I need ideas on what to do before freshman fifteen hits me hard. With the workload put on me, all I can think about is stress eating. Please send help before I swell up like a balloon. 

Sincerely,

Junior Who Can’t Stop Eating

Dear Junior Who Can’t Stop Eating, 

First idea that comes to mind is to take a few bites of air. This air is not only fat-free, but it’s also good for your health. Maybe you should go to the second floor to get some ice. Then, put the ice in a bowl, add water and BOOM–you have ice water soup! Just like that, you have healthy snacking alternatives that are ten times better than your regular go-to chips or Oreos. Before you know it, you’ll be losing weight instead of gaining it, and freshman fifteen will never have to cross your mind. 

Sincerely,

A  Healthy, Thriving Sister