Dear Vision,

I’ve been making NC’s on all my AP Chem quizzes. What should I do to bring my grades up?

Sincerely,

NC Queen

Dear NC Queen,

I’d like you to follow my directions step-by-step. First, I need you to collect candles. Six of them. Now, place them like the Lewis Dot Structure of an oxygen atom. Light all the candles (careful not to set off the fire alarms) and sit in the middle of the candles (make sure you don’t catch your hair or clothes on fire). Now, I’d like you to chant the words “Any questions?” in Dr. Morgan’s voice. You should repeat this at least three times a week, and of course, the night before a test or quiz. Let’s hope Dr. Morgan and the other chem gods send their brain cells to you.

If you, unfortunately, don’t have any candles because Mrs. Latoya took them away from you, I suggest that you start by working on the extra practice handouts Dr. Morgan uploads on MasteringChemistry. Reading the textbook and taking notes doesn’t hurt either. Perhaps creating a study group will help you learn and retain information better.

Sending our unhelpful brain cells,

The Vision

Dear Vision,

Today I started crying because I made a fool out of myself in front of everybody. How can I show my teary face around the school again?

Sincerely,

A very sad person

Dear A Very Sad Person,

I can relate. For instance, last Thursday, I cried the hardest that I had ever cried in like a year. It is not only the MSMS workload, something about just being away from home really made my life go crazy. But it is okay. We have all been there, especially we MSMS kids who, for some reason, decided to come to this crazy school. Just cry it out. Surround yourself with nice food and people who love you and have a cry. It is good to cry, and if you don’t, you are going to end up having a meltdown, and that would be worse. 

Sincerely,

The Vision

Dear Vision,

I do not know what I am supposed to do. The cafeteria is supposed to have chicken nuggets every Saturday, but for the past two weeks, there have been no nuggies for me to partake in. My life seems to be getting worse by the day because I am beginning to forget the ambrosial taste of the Cafeteria nugs. Please help because I do not know if I can go another Saturday without nugs.

Sincerely,

Nuggetless Nerd

Dear Nuggetless Nerd,

I was wondering if you had thought about getting into the poultry business. Raising chickens can be quite profitable and would indeed result in the raw materials necessary to make your nugs. If not, then my only advice to you is not be so melodramatic. Remember that you are talking about chicken nuggets and not about the Holy Grail. Chicken nuggets, while good, are deep-fried sources of fat and eventual diabetes. So while it hurts spiritually that the cafeteria is nuggetless, you probably are better off without the added grease in your veins.

Sincerely,

The Vision

P.S. Literally every fast food place would sell better-tasting chicken nuggets.