Although you may be fooled by the cute new unicorn charms that have been springing up in Lucky Charms boxes across the country, there’s a dark secret behind this new addition to the charm collection. The swirly purple and white unicorns seem innocent, but there’s been a crime committed in the breakfast community, and they are the main culprit.

The newcomer has pushed out the old hourglass charm, which has been a dearly beloved part of many childhoods, and people are fighting back. Harsh controversy has exploded close to home, with MSMS students Bryonie Mandal and Jane Wang on polar ends of the debate.

Junior Bryonie Mandal said of the missing hourglass, “I am very mad that they took it out and replaced it with an ugly unicorn.” She also stated that the hourglass was a “very cute” element of Lucky Charms, and seeing commercials for the charms was always a highlight of her childhood growing up. Moreover, her relationship with the prematurely retired charm seems to have a deeply personal and spiritual meaning, which is evident through her statement, “The hourglass has always been there for me when I was little. I always thought it was so cute, and it just reminded me how time is always passing.”

MSMS junior Jane Wang offered insight into an opposing view of the subject. “I don’t care, to be very honest, mostly because it was never a part of my childhood. I’ve only begun to eat Lucky Charms recently, and I’m not so outraged due to the fact that it was never a meaningful thing to me,” Wang said. Her indifferent view leads me to believe that, while some care deeply about the intricate culture of breakfast foods, others see it as just that: boring old breakfast cereal.

After witnessing such mixed and heated emotions, I decided to research the issue myself, choosing to make the trip to my local grocery store to pick up a box of the controversial breakfast food. On inspection of the goods, I immediately spotted the unicorn. It was garishly gallivanting all over the familiar packaging of the cereal box, proclaiming its victory over the beloved hourglass charm, whose absence was tangible.

As I had only a few small drops of outdated milk in my dorm’s mini fridge (ah, the life of an MSMS student!), I sadly could not review the full cereal experience. However, I will say that the familiar sugary crunch was a welcome release, and sufficiently quelled my fears that the magic of Lucky Charms had been drained by the presence of the demonic one-horned equine.

All in all, I believe that it’s too early to say whether or not the pain of losing the hourglass will ever subside. And, despite the agony it has caused so early in its release into the world, dare I hope that we can all come to terms with the unicorn charm? However horrendous and lurid its presence may seem now, the unicorn has many years ahead to prove its worth. But will the ache of losing the hourglass ever subside? Dear reader, only time will tell.